And here we are, Valentine's week 2026. This will be my 4th Valentine's Day without My Mike. But let me assure you, this is not a sad post.
I've learned so much about grief over the last 4 years. I've learned that us grievers are great at grieving in private. To the world we look fine and we, at least me, choose happiness over sadness, experiencing joy, while being broken hearted. Yes, I believe this is a choice, you can do that, in case you're wondering. It's not easy and it takes practice and you have to be willing to accept the moments of sadness that will overcome you at the most inopportune times. Fortunately, there's usually a restroom to duck into for a moment, a solo car ride, that button on your Zoom meeting where you can shut off your camera for a minute, and my personal favorite, a big pair of sunglasses to conceal those few seconds of tears while you're in line at Starbucks. And really, no one notices. People are oblivious.
When Mike and I started dating and our first Valentine's Day was approaching he let me know that he thought it was a dumb Hallmark holiday. And I let him know, be that as it may, attention must be paid! I have loved Valentine's Day since I was in the second grade and I clearly remember going shopping with my Mom to buy the big box of Valentine cards and racing home to write out names of classmates that I thought were worthy of a card. Then being so excited to give them out at school, hoping and wishing I would get some in return. I think I always gave out more than I got, but I was OK with that. Being the easy going guy that Mike was, he got on board with my love for Valentine's Day and we always planned something fun. Also, being the funny guy he was he decided that he could still object to the Hallmark thing by buying me all the silly Valentine's Day stuff, the cards, the candy, etc., he'd just do it the next day when everything was 50% off. Haha.
I read somewhere that we honor our dead loved ones by loving ourselves the way they loved us. So I've become a fan of self love and romancing the ordinary. Romanticizing your life everyday can remind you of all the little things that bring you joy. I started out the week by choosing from my Life Menu. I think this is a brilliant idea I got from Life Coach Tony Leigh. A Life Menu is a simple list of your favorite activities. Not the things you plan in advance, just simple things you can do spontaneously when you have free time that give you joy. Keep it handy, hang it on your mirror, keep it in your phone, or planner. Anywhere you can easily pull it out. Instead of sitting around scrolling on your phone or trying to think of something to do, you will already have choices. Here is my list, it's pretty simple.
- Spending time with my daughter
- Gardening
- Walking in nature
- Cooking
- Jumping in the car for a spontaneous day trip
- Art journaling
- Meet ups with girlfriends
- Laying in my backyard looking at the sky
- Cafe's and matcha
- Take myself out to lunch
- Tidy up while dancing to Abba
- Getting lost browsing in a store, my personal favs - Home Goods, the Garden Center, Barnes & Noble, my local crystal shops, thrift stores, flea markets
